@delusions_of

Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from “Stranger Things” now.

@delusions_of

Saw a baby crying and gave it my electric bill cuz why should we both be sad?

@delusions_of

Another day, another police escort from an all you can eat buffet.

@delusions_of

Was gonna be a professional quarterback but I didn’t wanna injure my chip dipping arm.

@delusions_of

My phone always asks if I “trust this computer” like it knows something I don’t.

@delusions_of

Dance like nobody’s holding your family hostage in some bizarre underground dance competition.

@delusions_of

Seize the day. Take a nap. Knit a sweater. Rob a bank. Take another nap.

@delusions_of

That’s “MISTER your credit card is declined” thank you very much.