Having sex in the 90s was scratchy due to all the flannel.
Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from “Stranger Things” now.
Salads don’t kill people. People who eat salads kill people.
Saw a baby crying and gave it my electric bill cuz why should we both be sad?
Another day, another police escort from an all you can eat buffet.
Was gonna be a professional quarterback but I didn’t wanna injure my chip dipping arm.
My phone always asks if I “trust this computer” like it knows something I don’t.
Dance like nobody’s holding your family hostage in some bizarre underground dance competition.
Seize the day. Take a nap. Knit a sweater. Rob a bank. Take another nap.
That’s “MISTER your credit card is declined” thank you very much.