me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table
waiter: white or red?
me, trying to impress my date: whichever onion the chef prefers
saw an escalator for the first time today, just stopped and staired
roman pirates be like 10 marks the spot
the three most popular activities in ancient greece:
3) debating the meaning of life
2) performing theatre
1) having sex with zeus
julius: hey brutus, lookin’ sharp
brutus: what knife
prometheus: humans are great
bully: hey 2015 called, they want t-
me: wait they called?
bully: well tha-
me: [grabbing his collar] YOU’VE GOT TO WARN THEM
little girl: what’s behind the wardrobe?
old man: narnia
girl: what’s narn-
man: narnia business
the plot of inception is literally just
wake me up (wake me up inside)