If by “crunches” you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Me: “Facebook or Twitter?”
Me: “Have a nice life.”
Like that scene in ‘The Revenant’ where Leo is mauled by the bear but it’s just me at your wedding reception dancing with your grabby aunt.
You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you’ve sighed six or seven times.
Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse.
Flight Attendant: “Here is the extra blanket you asked for.”
Me: “Thanks. Could you jam it into that guy’s mouth?”
Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold until your battery is dead.
Psychiatrist: “Your check bounced and was returned for insufficient funds.”
Me: “So how does that make you feel?”