@diaruba74

Why did the belt get arrested?
He held up pants.

Please don’t block me.

@diaruba74

My boys from the living room:
“I’m telling mom!”
Me from the bedroom:
“don’t come tell mom shit!”

@diaruba74

I was taught to think before I act.
So when I throat punch you, know that I have thought it through and am confident about my decision.

@diaruba74

Sounds like thunder outside, but it’s 2020, might be King Kong for all I know.

@diaruba74

I will have a piñata at my funeral.
You know, to make people happy.
It will be filled with bees.
You know, to make me happy too.

@diaruba74

I’ve decided to go out on the street tonight.

Can’t wait to be chased by the police.
At least a man will finally be chasing me.