@difficultpatty

My childhood prepared me for more people tearing off masks to reveal their true identity as an old man.

@difficultpatty

Friend: Can I borrow a hair band?

Me: *retrieving Bon Jovi from the basement* Please have them home by 9.

@difficultpatty

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have very strong opinions about mattresses.

@difficultpatty

Engaged couples should register for two of everything so it’s easier to divide stuff when they divorce.

@difficultpatty

Me: *curling my hair*

Olympic committee: That’s impressive, but not exactly what we are looking for.

@difficultpatty

Men: Take Route 2 to the 156 and get on the 7.

Me: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

@difficultpatty

Met a friend from Twitter in real life and didn’t get murdered. Take that, Mom.