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Page of dinnersruined's best tweets

@dinnersruined : DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder.
ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?

@dinnersruined: How to lose a gf:

Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with?
Me: *names two of them*

@dinnersruined: I just want a girl that's nice and sweet that doesn't require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie

@dinnersruined: *hands you a marijuana*
"This one's called Air Bud. It'll make you play basketball. Also it might turn you into a golden retriever."

@dinnersruined: I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over

@dinnersruined: Welcome to innuendo club. This is going to be a long and hard session, if you know what I mean.