@distracted_monk

Pasta aisle is cleaned out because that’s all most people know how to cook.

@distracted_monk

I witnessed some luteing today. Six men playing a sprightly medieval tune . Quite out of step with the times were they.

@distracted_monk

[1987]
Me: Tell me my future.
Psychic: You’ll have a phone that costs $800.
M: So I’m rich?
P: *a laugh escapes from her nostrils* Nope.

@distracted_monk

Whenever I see someone crying in public, I figure they won Coldplay tickets.