Pasta aisle is cleaned out because that’s all most people know how to cook.
I witnessed some luteing today. Six men playing a sprightly medieval tune . Quite out of step with the times were they.
Your skull is only a centimeter thick and other reassurances.
Me: Tell me my future.
Psychic: You’ll have a phone that costs $800.
M: So I’m rich?
P: *a laugh escapes from her nostrils* Nope.
We weren’t traipsing, Mom. We are rapscallions. We galavant.
Whenever I see someone crying in public, I figure they won Coldplay tickets.
Planet of the Apes is starting to look downright optimistic.
I said I was a man with a plan. I said nothing about it being a good plan.