Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of dixonshuman's best tweets

@dixonshuman : Only 4 beers left in house. Time to find new house.

@dixonshuman: It's like my cat doesn't realize my retirement plan involves him doing something interesting enough to be famous on the Internet.

@dixonshuman: My memory is horrible but I remember every person I loaned a book to that didn't return it.

@dixonshuman: If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank

@dixonshuman: Why aren't marriage prevention hotlines a thing?