@dixonshuman
Only 4 beers left in house. Time to find new house.
@dixonshuman
@dixonshuman
It’s like my cat doesn’t realize my retirement plan involves him doing something interesting enough to be famous on the Internet.
@dixonshuman
My memory is horrible but I remember every person I loaned a book to that didn’t return it.
@dixonshuman
If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank
@dixonshuman
Why aren’t marriage prevention hotlines a thing?