12: Dad, why haven’t we ever eaten at Applebee’s?
Me: Because I love you.
I can tell she’s pissed, the floors look amazing.
Being a parent is great because you get to start conversations like:
Hey buddy, don’t leave your tooth on the coffee table.
Hotel clerk: Sir, how many room keys would you like?
Her: Why are we at Home Depot?
Me: I wanted to see what it’s like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.
Cashier: Going snorkeling huh?
Me: Yeah. Should be fun.
Cashier: Watch out for sea snakes.
Me: Hi, I’d like to return these.
I definitely thought I would have shot the lock off of something by now in my life.
Therapist: Talk about your friends.
Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine…
T: That’s a Billy Joel song.
Me: You’re no fun.
IT: You deleted the OS?
Me: I think so.
IT: It didn’t warn you?
Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What’s with the inquisition bro?
Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I’ll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two.