@donjuantip

If we start calling it ‘potato juice’, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??

@donjuantip

i’ve decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I’m adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka.

@donjuantip

ALCOHOL. Because no good story ever began with, “So, I was sitting there eating this salad…”

@donjuantip

Your cell should have a ‘drunk mode’ like ‘airplane mode’ so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.

@donjuantip

ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.