Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: With adjectives.
Dude! Stop being such a baby, man up, walk over there and ask her if she like, ‘like-likes’ me.
Don’t embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public.
Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him.
*seductively feeding you chicken wings while you hit on a hot chick
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know what a wingman is supposed to do.”
Hey…quick question, fellas:
Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?
Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
This cashier was totally just checking me out, you guys.
My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn’t sound normal.