Marvel are too COWARDLY to answer the REAL question: how many spiders can fit in one man
Good cop: be a pal and tell us who did crime
Dad cop: you’re gonna want to be at the airport ten hours before your flight
Dracula is actually one of the funniest books of all time. Jonathan Harkness shows up at Dracula’s castle, Dracula’s like “hey could you write like five letters to your fiance in advance that say you’re fine” and Jonathan is like “weird, but yes absolutely”
Inventor of raisins: “What do you like about grapes”
me: the juice part, the freshness
Inventor: right but what if they had neither
Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it’s not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty
It was a classic Cinderella story: I walked into strangers’ houses and made women try on a shoe I found
Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think