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@drinksmcgee : Me, when the whole table decides to get a nacho platter to share
@drinksmcgee: Your coworkers when you walk through the office with doughnuts.
@drinksmcgee: Is there such a thing as "Spirit Furniture"? I think I've found mine...
@drinksmcgee: That’s exactly what harmful coconut water would say.
@drinksmcgee: I’ve found the most Canadian coffee shop in all existence.
@drinksmcgee: If Horror movies have taught me anything, it's that you give elderly people what they want or else they'll place a curse on you.
@drinksmcgee: [Speed Date]
Her: Hi! I'm Sus... wait... is that your dog with you?
*Dog sniffs her and turns to me, shaking his head*
@drinksmcgee: I killed a Werewolf and turned it into a Were-skin rug but the problem is that it’s a human-skin rug for like 29-30 days a month.
@drinksmcgee: [First day as a Doctor]
Me: Unfortunately, my first patient passed away today. It’s a harsh reality that we doctors have to face.
Patient: But... you’re a chiropractor...
@drinksmcgee: Trainer: I don't think you're taking this workout seriously, bro
Me: How dare you say that?
T: Dude, you just cracked a beer
Me: *takes sip*