@drinksmcgee

Knuckle Tats

(I) (H)(A)(V)(E) (W)(A)(Y) (T)(O)(O)
(M)(A)(N)(Y) (F)(I)(N)(G)(E)(R)(S)

@drinksmcgee

Me: C’mon, baby. Send me a pic.
Her: I dunno.
Me: Baby, please. I need it.
Her: Fine.

*Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck*

Me: Sweeeeeet

@drinksmcgee

Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn’t the most romantic move ever.

@drinksmcgee

Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps… unless she’s plotting your murder… then don’t be that.

@drinksmcgee

Someone just told me that they hate bacon…

I can’t even find words…

It’s like someone just murdered a rainbow.

@drinksmcgee

Trojan’s next commercial should just be a guy saying “See?” while pointing at my kids when they’re fighting over a cookie.

@drinksmcgee

My kids are in Karate class and I’m just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds.