@dubiousgenius: HER: Where have you been?
ME: Watching a WWF fight.
HER: You mean WWE?
*flashback to panda fighting an emu*
ME: Eh, yeah.
@dubiousgenius: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be...or Stockholm Syndrome. Most likely Stockholm Syndrome.
@dubiousgenius: Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job.
@dubiousgenius: So, I need an aquaculture licence to keep fish in a barrel and a firearms licence to shoot them. This is not as easy as I was led to believe
@dubiousgenius: WIFE: Having your phone in your jeans pocket will make you infertile & stop us having more kids
ME: *shoves 10 phones & microwave in pocket*
@dubiousgenius: Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It's almost like someone made the whole thing up.