@dumbbeezie

Here’s a conspiracy theory, your parents conspired to create an idiot

@dumbbeezie

I’m not against selfies. They kill more people than sharks

@dumbbeezie

A Quiet Place but it’s just me trying to open a piece of cheese without my dog hearing

@dumbbeezie

It’s daylight savings time which means the clock in my car is about to be correct again

@dumbbeezie

Yeah breakups are sad but have you ever come home to find out you forgot to turn on your crockpot?

@dumbbeezie

What do those “brighten my day with the 7th picture on your phone” people want from us

@dumbbeezie

Just heard the UPS guy drop packages on my porch and say “there you go” to my dogs so that’s why they always think my packages are for them

@dumbbeezie

I cannot believe all of these people are out!

-Me when I’m out