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Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : You dance so good girl. Hell yes. That looks great. You are a flower swaying with the wind. Do the running man.
-Alcohol

@dumbbeezie: Be nice or I’ll put you in my novel and won’t change your name

@dumbbeezie: Some days you’re the dodgeball, some days you’re the face

@dumbbeezie: People just like to argue.

People: No we don’t

@dumbbeezie: Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge

@dumbbeezie: My pet bird bit me so I showed him a picture of a rotisserie chicken

@dumbbeezie: Me: WebMD what does it mean when-
WebMD: You’re dead
Me: But
WebMD: Dead
Me: But I didn’t even ask a question yet
WebMD: Because you’re dead

@dumbbeezie: Sorry I’m breaking up with you but you have terrible taste in women

@dumbbeezie: Kids who were good at lying grew up to be meteorologists

@dumbbeezie: If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me