@eddiesteadyno

at library

ME: This book wasn’t helpful at all!

LIBRARIAN: Why? What’s the problem?

BIRD: [mockingly] “Why? What’s the problem?”

@eddiesteadyno

Thank you for clarifying that you’d bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with.

@eddiesteadyno

[Mon]
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
A: Understood

[Tues]
B: Is that a sticky note?

@eddiesteadyno

A fondue party… But instead of bread, it’s more cheese. And instead of people, it’s even more cheese.

@eddiesteadyno

I wasn’t dropped as a baby, but I’ve been making up for it ever since.

@eddiesteadyno

Making reservations for one at a fancy restaurant because every now and then, I like to be wined and dined before I take advantage of myself

@eddiesteadyno

The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn’t bargain on “bankrupt” being an option.