BOB THE BUILDER: Can we fi-
ME: This book wasn’t helpful at all!
LIBRARIAN: Why? What’s the problem?
BIRD: [mockingly] “Why? What’s the problem?”
Thank you for clarifying that you’d bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with.
Me: I think you might have schizophrenia
Me: No I don’t
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
B: Is that a sticky note?
A fondue party… But instead of bread, it’s more cheese. And instead of people, it’s even more cheese.
I wasn’t dropped as a baby, but I’ve been making up for it ever since.
comfortable: *slaps hand away*
Making reservations for one at a fancy restaurant because every now and then, I like to be wined and dined before I take advantage of myself
The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn’t bargain on “bankrupt” being an option.