@ehchino

[First date]
So what do you do for a living?
“I’m a florist”
WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?

@ehchino

“What is your reason for divorce?”
She pronounces ‘Kansas’ like the second part of ‘Arkansas’

@ehchino

[Couples counseling]
“It’s not good to keep these things bottles up, you know”
Okay, fine
*opens jar of wasps*

@ehchino

[first date]
I’m sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous
“That’s okay”
Yeah….
*jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*

@ehchino

How do I know you’re not a cop?
“If I was a cop, how would I have this?”
*shows police badge that just says ‘Not a Cop’ on it*
Oh, okay good

@ehchino

Kid 1: I’m bored
Kid 2: me too
Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names