So what do you do for a living?
“I’m a florist”
WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?
“What is your reason for divorce?”
She pronounces ‘Kansas’ like the second part of ‘Arkansas’
“It’s not good to keep these things bottles up, you know”
*opens jar of wasps*
I’m sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous
*jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*
How do I know you’re not a cop?
“If I was a cop, how would I have this?”
*shows police badge that just says ‘Not a Cop’ on it*
Oh, okay good
Kid 1: I’m bored
Kid 2: me too
Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names