Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of ellle_em's best tweets

@ellle_em : Me: I would like to go to sleep now
Brain: you can't
Me: why?
Brain: you haven't Done Enough
Me: done enough...what?
Brain: Enough
Me: enough what??
Brain: Enough. Just Enough. You have not Done Enough
Me: I'll do enough if you tell me enough what
Brain: You have not Done Enough

@ellle_em: Househunters, but for birds

Bird 1: I'm looking for a spacious nest. Preferably made with shed mammal fur. Open concept.

Bird 2: & I'd really love a nest without snakes so our eggs won't get eaten. Plus granite countertops

Bird 1: Our budget is a piece of tinfoil & a stick

@ellle_em: Dog: BORK BORK BORK
Human: STOP BARKING

How Dog Interprets this exchange
Dog: LOUD NOISES
Human: ALSO LOUD NOISES
Dog: O COOL WE R MAKIN LOUD NOISES TOGETHER NOW FREN LETS KEEP GOIN
Human: MORE LOUD NOISES
Dog: UR SO GOOD AT THIS