@envydatropic

I’m telling everyone I have corona so I’ve got 14 days of not being bothered.

@envydatropic

Reported my coworker to HR for sleeping on the job. I work from home. My dog is my coworker. I’m HR.

@envydatropic

I went the wrong way down the grocery store aisle and you’d think I was looking at a 10 year prison sentence with the way Karen reacted.

@envydatropic

I cough whenever I answer the phone so people know not to invite me to anything.

@envydatropic

The lady behind me in line was in a hurry to get out of the grocery store so I decided to write a check to pay for my stuff.

@envydatropic

I bought my dog a new bed because apparently a living room full of furniture and a king size bed isn’t comfy enough.

@envydatropic

I was going to watch the news this morning but I decided I wanted to have a good day.