@erikbransteen

Melania Trump doesn’t want to live in the same place as her husband.
More than half of America feels the same way.

@erikbransteen

Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?

@erikbransteen

Future Headline:
“Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies,
Hillary Caught Using Friend’s Netflix Password
Undecideds Still On The Fence”

@erikbransteen

Kanye West tweeted that Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean?’ was 2015’s best song.

The “…which wouldn’t happened without me” tweet coming soon.

@erikbransteen

“Speak softly and carry a big stick.” — Teddy Roosevelt

“Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick.” — Donald Trump

@erikbransteen

The #AshleyMadisonHack is getting out of hand. Site just revealed that I’ve been cheating on my diet. I’m not even sure how they’d know that