me:The Incredibles is on tv
bae:my parents aren’t home
me:it’s limited commercials
bae:i need u
me:he can’t find his supersuit
a big congratulations to all the big baseball men for not closing their eyes when the ball was coming towards them, good job men
I don’t really have a “blood type.” I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.
MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone*
JUDGE: he’s got a point
JUDGE: your word is “bananas”
GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes
me: what’s ur favorite thing on the menu
waiter: oh definitely the salmon
me: oh yes ok i’ll have the *orders something that is not salmon*
According to my bank account, I’m Rich!
Rich Anderson, the name of the man whose identity I stole.