@famouscrab

Men in suits look really weird standing on the grass. Go back to the concrete buddy

@famouscrab

some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what

@famouscrab

u know how sum people get amnesia well i got opposite amnesia i remember everything ask me what i ate this morning. breakfast next question

@famouscrab

what if in airbud they put the dog in and they didnt win that coach would feel stupid

@famouscrab

“NO NO NO NO” – the guy who invented folding chairs watching a wrestling match

@famouscrab

you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous

@famouscrab

yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird