Doctor: what seems to be the problem?
Me: I need to be docted
Doctor: you came to the right place. I’m a doctor. I doct people
[sees people filming a movie] yeah real original. a movie. like that’s never been done before
guy: hey that’s a great truck. what kinda engine?
me: [rubbing the hood] it’s got a truck engine
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
*holds “bunny ears” over someone’s head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*
I own a gun so if a robber breaks into my home and steals my stuff I can shoot all my stuff and break it so the robber can’t enjoy any of it
Cop: show us where the hamburgers are, hamburglar
Hamburglar: you’ve got the wrong guy. I steal ham. You’re thinking of hamburgerburglar