@farouq_yahaya

Me : I just ELECTROCUTED myself

Wife: How SHOCKING, how do you CURRENTLY feel ?

Me : I’m kind of AMPED.

Wife : WATT, I can’t hear you

Me : I said it HERTZ a lot.

@farouq_yahaya

Mentos should print little messages on their mints like “you’re awesome” or “looking great” and call them Complimentos.

@farouq_yahaya

Me : So I said to the police , “catch me if you can ”

Cellmate : “Them what happened “??

@farouq_yahaya

My Jehovah Witness girlfriend dumped me this new year, but I’m not that worried though.

She’ll come back knocking!!!

@farouq_yahaya

Once upon a time, there was a monarch who was 13 inches tall.

He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler

@farouq_yahaya

The worst part about being humble is that you can’t even brag about it.

@farouq_yahaya

Psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person’s confidence, but nobody in this bus seems to appreciate it.

@farouq_yahaya

Awwww finally got my nose pierced this morning.

Never fight over a bus seat with an old lady who’s knitting.

@farouq_yahaya

I don’t like grudges. My Aunt kept grudges. I’ve always hated her for it.