Me : I just ELECTROCUTED myself
Wife: How SHOCKING, how do you CURRENTLY feel ?
Me : I’m kind of AMPED.
Wife : WATT, I can’t hear you
Me : I said it HERTZ a lot.
Mentos should print little messages on their mints like “you’re awesome” or “looking great” and call them Complimentos.
Me : So I said to the police , “catch me if you can ”
Cellmate : “Them what happened “??
My Jehovah Witness girlfriend dumped me this new year, but I’m not that worried though.
She’ll come back knocking!!!
Once upon a time, there was a monarch who was 13 inches tall.
He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler
The worst part about being humble is that you can’t even brag about it.
A cat has contracted the COVID-19 disease. Don’t ask Meow
Psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person’s confidence, but nobody in this bus seems to appreciate it.
Awwww finally got my nose pierced this morning.
Never fight over a bus seat with an old lady who’s knitting.
I don’t like grudges. My Aunt kept grudges. I’ve always hated her for it.