@flindis

when i donate my body to science, they’ll be like ok do we have any other options?

@flindis

Star Wars, but every character is Owen Wilson

@flindis

[sending nudes] I swear it’s not gonna be a photo of my cat

@flindis

Toasters are just Jack in the Boxes for adults.

@flindis

If we get locked down again, I might actually be willing to chat with someone about my car’s extended warranty.