@fridaycandy

I tell people that the secret ingredient
in my cookies is “love” but it’s actually “floor” .

@fridaycandy

Apparently If ur BF says “if anything happens to me,I want u to meet someone new….”
“anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in
traffic.

@fridaycandy

It’s weird that ‘coward’ doesn’t mean
“towards a cow”.

*sips wine*

@fridaycandy

At a job interview:

“What are your strengths?”

“I’m an optimist and a positive
thinker.”

“Give me an example”

“When do I start?”