Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : Me: happy valentines day
Neil Degrasse Tyson: *slaps heart-shaped box out of my hands* an actual heart is shaped nothing like that

@fro_vo: [alphabet committee]
Boss: what are the vowels
Designer: a e i o and u
Boss: sometimes i think we need another one
Designer: why
Boss: ok

@fro_vo: me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded come out with your hands up
Stick Figure: lol
Cop: wait are you surrendering or laughing right now

@fro_vo: god: okay the day that is happening now is called today

angel: *writing* ok

god: and the day that just ended is called terday

angel: terday?

god: yes terday

angel: *writing* ok

@fro_vo: a house without a chimney should be called a nouse

@fro_vo: can’t = can not
don’t = do not
won’t = wo not

do not @ me i wo not answer

@fro_vo: Know Your Time-Related Abbreviations

B.C. - before christ
A.D. - after dhrist

A.M. - after midnight
P.M. - pefore midnight

@fro_vo: INTERVIEWER: where is your resume
ME: i forgot it
INTERVIEWER: seriously
ME: yeah
INTERVIEWER: *under breath* you had one job
ME: oh so you’ve seen it then

@fro_vo: "I think therefore I am"

--Yoda pointing at a photo of himself when he was four