@fro_vo: presidents day is just a holiday created by "Big President" to get us to buy more presidents
@fro_vo: Wife: he has no sense of adventure. he even refuses to ride a roller coaster
Therapist: go on
Me: oh so you're taking her side now
@fro_vo: Me: my fitbit broke
Sales Guy: how
Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy
Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see
@fro_vo: Date: any pets?
Me: a pet rock
D: lol at least u don’t have to housetrain it
Me: *flashback to piles of pebbles all over my house* haha yeah
@fro_vo: "hey mister can i pet your dog?"
"what kind is he?"
"that there's a pure beef vienna son careful don't get mustard on your shirt"
@fro_vo: Doctor: you're never too old to start exercising
Me: cool thanks i'll start in maybe like 15 years then
@fro_vo: *running from cops*
Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit
Cop: yeah me too good idea
@fro_vo: Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again