Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of funflaps's best tweets

@funflaps : "Are you ready to rock?"

Scissors: no

@funflaps: Guitar dude: here's wonderwall
Clumsy dude: here's blunderwall
Pirate dude: here's plunderwall
Thor dude: here's thunderwall
Store dude: here's refunderwall
Escaping dude: here's underwall
Blue dude: here's undertheweatherwall

@funflaps: Indiana Jones: It belongs in a museum!

Me: *running away* Leave my sexy booty alone

@funflaps: Creepers gonna creep
Peepers gonna peep
Weepers gonna weep
Beepers gonna beep
Sleepers gonna sleep
Sheepers gonna sheep
Dolphins gonna eeeeeeeeeeeeeep

@funflaps: Me: I wanna chew the gum
Willy Wonka: No! You'll turn into a blueberry
M: I'm doing it
W: Don't

@funflaps: Dear everyone THE PEEPS ARE MY BABIES please do not eat them. Take them home. Give them warmth and comfort. Allow them to nest beside your TV. Give them your passwords so they can log on to the dark web and order books about witchcraft to summon Cthulhu. Let them swim in the sink

@funflaps: Dear Facebook, it has come to our attention that some of you are posting new jokes. Please remember that all jokes must be submitted to twitter at least 3 years in advance

@funflaps: wicked witch: I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too

john wick: *blushing* you think i'm pretty?

@funflaps: dear parents,

just because your child is smiling at their phone doesn't mean they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. maybe they've stolen the declaration of independence

@funflaps: A penguin suit mysteriously arrives at work. No label. No explanation. You try it on, just for fun. When you turn to show your colleagues, you realise they're all dressed as leopard seals. You flee.