Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of funflaps's best tweets

@funflaps : me: (singing) it's the i of the tiger

tger: give it back

@funflaps: [me, first day on a farm] I've been milking this horse for 20 minutes now and he seems to be enjoying it

@funflaps: Take me down to the paradise city where the salmon are jumping and the tubes are fishy

@funflaps: "Are you ready to rock?"

Scissors: no

@funflaps: Guitar dude: here's wonderwall
Clumsy dude: here's blunderwall
Pirate dude: here's plunderwall
Thor dude: here's thunderwall
Store dude: here's refunderwall
Escaping dude: here's underwall
Blue dude: here's undertheweatherwall

@funflaps: Indiana Jones: It belongs in a museum!

Me: *running away* Leave my sexy booty alone

@funflaps: Creepers gonna creep
Peepers gonna peep
Weepers gonna weep
Beepers gonna beep
Sleepers gonna sleep
Sheepers gonna sheep
Dolphins gonna eeeeeeeeeeeeeep

@funflaps: Me: I wanna chew the gum
Willy Wonka: No! You'll turn into a blueberry
M: I'm doing it
W: Don't

@funflaps: Dear everyone THE PEEPS ARE MY BABIES please do not eat them. Take them home. Give them warmth and comfort. Allow them to nest beside your TV. Give them your passwords so they can log on to the dark web and order books about witchcraft to summon Cthulhu. Let them swim in the sink

@funflaps: Dear Facebook, it has come to our attention that some of you are posting new jokes. Please remember that all jokes must be submitted to twitter at least 3 years in advance