Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of funflaps's best tweets

@funflaps : Saint Waddle is the patron saint of pancakes and ducks. She loved to flip the bird.

@funflaps: [sequel to Thor Ragnarok]

ME: *buying tickets for me and 3 friends* Four for Thor 4 at 4:44, por favor

CINEMA GUY: *for the 6th time this week* Please stop doing this

@funflaps: CALIBUR: I love being a calibur!

ME: Stop being a calibur. Arthur needs you.

EXCALIBUR: Ok

@funflaps: Drug dealer: What do you want?
Me: Please give me 17 of your finest *checks note on hand* marriage o'wannas

@funflaps: lawyer: your husband said he wanted his body to be embalmed like an egyptian mummy

me: yes, I've abided by his wishes

lawyer: he meant for you to do it after he died

@funflaps: Just met up with my heroine dealer. Got three Wonder Womans and a She-Ra.

@funflaps: AXL ROSE: Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go-o-o-o?
GOOGLE MAPS: Shut up for a minute and I'll tell you

@funflaps: [restaurant]
Waiter: Chicken?
Me: No I'll fight you RIGHT NOW

@funflaps: YOU: Your guess is as good as mine

ME: Is it a dolphin wearing a banana hammock?

YOU: Ok maybe your guess isn't as good as mine

@funflaps: Great news everyone! Brontosaurus is a planet again.