YOU: Your guess is as good as mine
ME: Is it a dolphin wearing a banana hammock?
YOU: Ok maybe your guess isn’t as good as mine
Great news everyone! Brontosaurus is a planet again.
When you wish upon a star your feet burst into flame and you realize it was a dumb place to stand.
BOSS: You’ve been picked for a random drug test
ME: Hold my bong
I get fat really quickly for someone who doesn’t want to
ME: You could cut the tension with a knife
CABLE CAR OPERATOR: Please don’t
[weapons store]
ME: *holding up a spare pin* Has anybody seen my grenade?