Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of funnybeachgirl's best tweets

@funnybeachgirl : Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

“To keep their nuts dry.”


(Please don’t leave me. I was dropped on my head as a baby.)

@funnybeachgirl: Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body prevents cellulite. But apparently you can’t do it in Starbucks & now the cops are here.

@funnybeachgirl: *eats entire box of Triscuits*
*poops out a wicker chaise lounge*

@funnybeachgirl: With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line

@funnybeachgirl: "I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!!!"

(Seductively takes baby dragon out of Gucci purse & lights cigarette.)

@funnybeachgirl: I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.

@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.

@funnybeachgirl: Kegels: because how else are you supposed to grind fresh coffee beans during a power outage?

@funnybeachgirl: Energizing breakfast smoothie:

1. 2 cups chopped kale
2. 1 ripe banana
3. 1/8 tsp flax oil
4. 1/2 cup coconut water
5. 3 grams of cocaine