@funnyordie

SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Calling me instead of just texting

@funnyordie

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Keep your goddamn mouth closed
Whenever you chew

@funnyordie

LIFE HACK: If a person is drowning, you can save their life by putting them in a bag of rice

@funnyordie

TRUMP: I don’t have a subpoena. I have a very huge poena.

@funnyordie

Martin Shkreli can look forward to a 5,000% markup on cigarettes in his near future.

@funnyordie

BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker?

RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn’t know him. He goes to another Olympics.

#LochteGate