I entered my Chihuahua in an “ugliest dog” contest and I won first place!
The dog came third.
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever the hell is chasing me.
Have you ever stopped & thought about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?
Chuck Norris once gave an uppercut to a horse!
Now we have Giraffes.
A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking…
Me and my mates are in a band called duvet.
We’re a cover band
The doctor said to me, “Do you know you have a serious problem vocalizing your emotions?”
I said, “I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Birthday sex is just having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.
You’re not bald my friend. You are just taller than your hair.