Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of gabbybendel's best tweets

@gabbybendel : i meant to text, “i’m a hopeless romantic”, but auto correct changed it to, “i’m a homeless romantic”, which confirms auto correct knows me better than i know myself

@gabbybendel: only rich know it alls like to throw around the word “algorithm” ... man, the other day i was high and i couldn’t even say oprah winfrey ... stay humble

@gabbybendel: the hardest part about going somewhere is people asking “who are you going with?” ... definitely seems to be a sort of cultural norm quota limit on how many times you can answer that with “some guy from craigslist”

@gabbybendel: i do this stupid thing where i water my garden on the day it rains, but in my defense, the rain reminds me that they need to be watered

@gabbybendel: facebook is always sending me suggestions of “an event that might interest you” - it all interests me, facebook! trust me! it’s not for a lack of interest ... so, if you could please tweak these suggestions to “an event that you can afford” ... that would be great ... thanks

@gabbybendel: i wish they named cookies something different because every time a website asks me to accept cookies, and i decline, a little part of my heart is like, but i love cookies, just not your kind

@gabbybendel: my right thumb literally just snarled at my other nine fingers and said, “you have no idea how much more work i do than any of you spoiled brats”

@gabbybendel: i didn’t think at 41 i would be saying “but please don’t tell my parents” as often as i do

@gabbybendel: i just hope my kid isn’t the kid that makes a teachers day by being absent

@gabbybendel: manning had to write 500 words about thomas edison, he got his 500 word count pretty quickly: When Thomas Edison was 12 Thomas Edison convinced Thomas Edison’s parents to let Thomas Edison start selling newspapers. (the entire paper is like this!!)