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Page of garrettbarry70's best tweets

@garrettbarry70 : [Christmas shopping]

Me. "I need to get some wrapping paper, shall we split up?"

Her. "Ok but I'm keeping the house"

@garrettbarry70: My wife complains that my socks are too big for her but she doesn't care that her bra pinches my back.

@garrettbarry70: More bad news.

Apparently there is a thing called a wine stopper.

@garrettbarry70: Staying at my daughter's place again this weekend. Can't wait till 3am so I can wake her to tell her there's a moth in my room.

@garrettbarry70: Wish I had the confidence of a small child having a meltdown at the shopping mall.

@garrettbarry70: Accidentally changed neighbor to neighbour and now I'm saying stuff like "bloody hell" and "brilliant"

@garrettbarry70: I have a CW who can't input data into a spreadsheet without whispering each number so don't tell me about your day.

@garrettbarry70: Me. *Throws coat over a puddle*

Her. "WTF are you doing with my coat?"

@garrettbarry70: My arms sometimes get tired during sex and I drop my phone on my face.

@garrettbarry70: Can't sleep knowing there's a Toblerone in the mini bar.