Me: And what about this one?

Waiter: Sir, this is a seafood restaurant. We have many items that taste “fishy”.


me: can I go on your yacht?
friend: no
me: why nacht?
friend: your texts are annoying
me: that’s what I thacht 🙁



– Tony the Tiger’s wife


Dads in the 80s: I want satellite tv so bad.

Satellite tv installer: How bad?

Dads: REALLY bad

Installer: Like “gigantic satellite bolted to a cement slab that takes over your entire yard” bad?



Dads: YES


Whoever is making cheese commercials can save their money. We’re buying cheese and and we’re never going to stop buying cheese.