Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@gavinpivott : The detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
@gavinpivott: WHY HAS THE COST OF BALLOONS INCREASED OVER THE LAST 50 YEARS??
@gavinpivott: I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe.
@gavinpivott: "I put my gear back in fourth." - Willow Smith learning to drive, maybe.
@gavinpivott: My new year's resolution is to be more grammary and stop making up words.
@gavinpivott: My step-dad's pretty cool. Not as cool as my fence-dad, though. Roof-dad is okay. What is a father?
@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.
@gavinpivott: I scratch your back, you scratch mine. We die from loss of blood.
@gavinpivott: My standards are so high they just recorded a reggae song.