@geekysteven

when you gotta take the souls of the damned to the underworld, but need to reduce your carbon footprint

@geekysteven

Is that two bananas in your pocket or are you happy to see me and also have one banana in your pocket?

@geekysteven

Too tall: “How’s the weather up there?”
Too short: “How’s the weather down there?”
Average height: “I am cursed to rely on others to know what the weather is like”

@geekysteven

🎶Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me🎶

SECRET SOCIETY OF WORLD ROLLERS: Who talked?!

@geekysteven

AMERICA: We don’t need the metric system, our measurement system is fine
AMERICAN MEASUREMENT SYSTEM:

@geekysteven

[Not realizing Black Mirror episode is just stuck buffering]
“Ah yes, this is excellent social commentary”

@geekysteven

DORA: “Swiper, no swiping!”
SWIPER: “oh, man”
*Wealthier fox shows up, swipes everything*
DORA: “That’s OK, it’ll trickle down”

@geekysteven

GOD: That’s the last of the animals. Now add warning colors to the poison ones
ANGEL: Will do
GOD: But not all of them, keep some surprises

@geekysteven

Oh, you’re an American? Yeah, right.
Name 5 disastrous foreign policy decisions.