I don’t know if what I saw silently stalking me in the woods was really Krampus or just another demonic goat creature, but I’m definitely in the holiday spirit now.
We don’t know what’s in the vaccine. Could be anything. Microchips? Sure. Toxins? Maybe. Predatory birds? Definitely. This is all a plot to fill us full of falcons because the CDC is in the pocket of Big Talon.
Killing an albatross won’t bring bad luck to sailors, but that is exactly the sort of thing an albatross would go around telling people.
well maybe the Bible is misspelled and my angle tattoo is fine.
Not to flex on time travelers, but I *always* know what year it is and where my timeline went horribly wrong
when you gotta take the souls of the damned to the underworld, but need to reduce your carbon footprint
Is that two bananas in your pocket or are you happy to see me and also have one banana in your pocket?
Too tall: “How’s the weather up there?”
Too short: “How’s the weather down there?”
Average height: “I am cursed to rely on others to know what the weather is like”
🎶Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me🎶
SECRET SOCIETY OF WORLD ROLLERS: Who talked?!
For sale: Baby, won’t stop selling its shoes.