Just discovered that the self checkout area is not what you’d think.
According to my wife’s new feng shui consultant, I need to move out.
There are two reasons I often don’t reciprocate:
1. I get distracted.
A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds.
He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.
Bound by notifications, we are the Fellowship of the Ding.
My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her.
She bought me eye drops.
My wife left me for a fisherman.
Poor guy’s still reeling.
Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
When your wife says “It’s up to you”, it’s not.
Has anyone mastered the art of nonchalantly walking past a policeman?