Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ghostkrogh's best tweets

@ghostkrogh : me(being given hot dog factory tour): so if i fell in this vat & died it would pretty much taste the same
tour guide: almost certainly keith

@ghostkrogh: every time i think i've met the perfect girl it's three raccoons in a trench coat who rob me again

@ghostkrogh: a lot of ppl don't kno that the 50 stars on the american flag represent how many stars there are in the sky

@ghostkrogh: america: tremble at our nuclear might
also america: we skip the number 13 on elevators when we build skyscrapers cos that's spooky

@ghostkrogh: me (on desert island): good thing i was able to grab this CD player & my 5 fav CDs
other survivor: I saw you put down bread & pick those up

@ghostkrogh: me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn't ring* sure i'll get 1 more chicken

@ghostkrogh: judge: 99 yrs
me: is it cos i called ur gavel a justice hammer?
judge: no that actually helped
me: killing then
judge: yeah the killing

@ghostkrogh: alladin: do u trust me
jasmine: i've only known you for 2 hours
a: so u don't wanna jump off this rooftop
j: lemme ask my tiger first

@ghostkrogh: fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due
me: say it
fred: pls no
me: i'm not paying
fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due
me: haha

@ghostkrogh: Me (digging a hole): how's this?
My clone: at least 6 feet deeper
Me: you sure there's treasure?
My Clone: toss me up your keys bud