@gingerfaced

Sure sex is great but have you ever had someone cancel plans with you right before you were about to cancel?

@gingerfaced

[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me

[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me not

@gingerfaced

[arrives in heaven]

how’d you die?

me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire

@gingerfaced

I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.

@gingerfaced

“Let me be clear” the sliding glass door said as I face planted it.

@gingerfaced

I’m obsessed with you. Not like peak through your window obsesseHEY I LIKE THAT DRESS WEAR THAT ONE

@gingerfaced

Did you ever think about ten years ago you’d be saying.. “I really hope this is a chick I’m talking to”.