@girl_a_whirl

[during sex]

me: hurt me
him *makes me a peanut butter sandwich using crunchy peanut butter*

@girl_a_whirl

The best part of marriage is faking a deep sleep so he’ll let the dog out in the morning.

@girl_a_whirl

My husband can’t tell if the dishwasher is clean or dirty but anytime I pull out one of his tools, he’s right there to TED talk me through it.

@girl_a_whirl

If inmates can pen pal their way into marriage, then there’s still hope for most of you.

@girl_a_whirl

Candlesticks, for when you want to be stylish but also might need a murder weapon.

@girl_a_whirl

I bet Harvard is pretty pissed it doesn’t have a comma named after it.

@girl_a_whirl

As moms, we make decisions to keep our kids healthy. Like drinking this entire bottle of wine so that my teenager can live another day.