@gitson_shiggles

These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”

@gitson_shiggles

So I can’t go out drinking with friends, I’m stuck at home, no sex, just watching TV most of the time.

I’m phoning the registrar’s office first thing tuesday to see when I married Covid19.

@gitson_shiggles

No, YOU just googled “emoji meanings” to make sure you’ve been using the correct ones….

@gitson_shiggles

I became a detective for the cold cases. Turns out they’re nothing to do with beer.

Betrayed.

@gitson_shiggles

Hug your kids as often as possible.

They can’t break your shit when you’ve got them in a full body lock

@gitson_shiggles

I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called “Losing my Shit” instead