@gitson_shiggles

Applied for a “meditation class” but missed out the first T on the enrolment form, so now I’m studying to be a marriage guidance counsellor.

Typos are dangerous, you guys.

@gitson_shiggles

“You say you like intelligent men? Then look no further! Line forms to the….”

*Checks soles of both my shoes*

“….left, ladies.”

@gitson_shiggles

Ohio sounds like someone greeting a friend they didn’t expect to see then immediately realising it’s actually someone else

@gitson_shiggles

Apparently my boss wasn’t too happy with my performance during his trust fall.

I trusted him to fall, he hit the floor, I applauded. Not sure what the problem was, tbh.

@gitson_shiggles

These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”

@gitson_shiggles

So I can’t go out drinking with friends, I’m stuck at home, no sex, just watching TV most of the time.

I’m phoning the registrar’s office first thing tuesday to see when I married Covid19.

@gitson_shiggles

No, YOU just googled “emoji meanings” to make sure you’ve been using the correct ones….

@gitson_shiggles

I became a detective for the cold cases. Turns out they’re nothing to do with beer.

Betrayed.