These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”
So I can’t go out drinking with friends, I’m stuck at home, no sex, just watching TV most of the time.
I’m phoning the registrar’s office first thing tuesday to see when I married Covid19.
No, YOU just googled “emoji meanings” to make sure you’ve been using the correct ones….
I became a detective for the cold cases. Turns out they’re nothing to do with beer.
People that call their kids Randy, is that short for Randolph or Randrew?
Everyone has that one vegetable that brings up memories of an ex
Hug your kids as often as possible.
They can’t break your shit when you’ve got them in a full body lock
Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
This is not my forté. It’s not even my threeté if I’m being honest.
I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called “Losing my Shit” instead