INVENTOR OF THE CHAIR: You might want to sit down for this.
FRIEND: Wher-Oh my god!
*walking down street with friend*
Well, this is me.
*jumps in front of bus*
I bet the worst part abt being an organ harvester for the black market is having to fill the motel bathtub using that little bucket for ice.
Dads: what times your flight?
Dads: id get there at 8am
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.