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@graceupongracie : Male penguins travel 50 miles by foot in subzero temperatures to mate but ok, thanks for these flowers I guess
@graceupongracie: Her: I never take my eyes off my son. I hate how parents are so inattentive these days.
Me: [lifting 6 out of lion cage] mm hmm me too
@graceupongracie: Her: [eating lettuce for dinner] so yeah, with those 3 small changes, I lost 4% body fat.
Me: [eating a beer for dinner] fight me
@graceupongracie: I’m at my most athletic when I’m running up stadium stairs to buy another beer.
@graceupongracie: My mom just asked me if the yams are organic like she didn’t raise me on penicillin steroid cow meat and food coloring