Me, watching you order just one pizza and there’s four of us: I guess you’re an optimist
If you actually call it junk drawer you’ll stop putting stuff in it and another drawer becomes official junk drawer
I get it, orcas! I, too, like to sink annoying children’s toys in the pool
Did it hurt? When you saw the candy you bought yesterday going half price
”It looks like that man who seems familiar is waving at me, but is he really?” And that my friends, is what I should have thought before waving back馃槵
(Me, finding lemons outside my door again) Good thing universe has a hearing problem! I wasn’t serious when I ordered those demons
Me: You know what would improve this dreadful place? An open bar
Other people in the waiting room:
Melons are like: You have no way of knowing how I am on the inside. Take me home, honey. Buy me
Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse
He took my last fry, your honor
Let’s be honest, you don’t ”watch” tv, you use it as a backround echo creating machine like the rest of us
Yes, people avoid me, but I’m sure it’s because they’re jealous of my wonderful snakes
Tonight we’re cooking together, period. I’ll serve the cereal, you pour the milk
Meow should be an acceptable answer to any question that can’t be answered with yes or no. For example:
-What’s your favorite colour?
-Meow
Now you’re thinking there isn’t such a colour, but you don’t know all colours, and new colours are born every day, so..
I found the cure for insomnia. No melatonin, no nothing, just a screen playing things that require effort to be understood. You’re welcome