Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@gwatts77 : If I donate blood and you're in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don't blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.
@gwatts77: Me: Can I order the conch fritters please?
Waitress: The "ch" is pronounced like a "k"
Me: Okay Bick.
@gwatts77: It's too human to go outside.
@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.
Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
@gwatts77: Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
@gwatts77: Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I'm pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots :(
@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
@gwatts77: Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver.
Yes, "Bring weed, bro"