Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of gwatts77's best tweets

@gwatts77 : If I donate blood and you're in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don't blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.

@gwatts77: Me: Can I order the conch fritters please?
Waitress: The "ch" is pronounced like a "k"
Me: Okay Bick.

@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.

Related: I've got some balloons for sale.

@gwatts77: Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.

@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.

@gwatts77: Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I'm pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots :(

@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.

@gwatts77: Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver.

Yes, "Bring weed, bro"