If I donate blood and you’re in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don’t blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.
Me: Can I order the conch fritters please?
Waitress: The “ch” is pronounced like a “k”
Me: Okay Bick.
It’s too human to go outside.
I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant.
Related: I’ve got some balloons for sale.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person’s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs…by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I’m pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots 🙁
Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
Hold on I’m about to count my money. Alright I’m done.
If you steal my identity and get a credit card I’ll be impressed. Not because you stole my identity, but because you got approved. Kudos!